This seems familiar. Too familiar.

Christopher Stasheff wrote a series of SF/fantasy books back in the 80s about a interstellar agent who fetches up on a planet called Graymarye which is a semi, kinda, sorta medieval society.* Pretty much, as I like to say, what would happen if Markland and the SCA had their own world. Or if Renn Faire was alway and everywhere.

The one that I am reading now is the second in the series, King Kobold Revived. Most of the characters speak rather "yeomanly" but Rod Gallowglass, our hero, speaks in very idiomatic late 20th Century English, as does Yorick, a time traveling Neanderthal**, in case the following excerpt sounds a bit peculiar.

...."There's that little matter of the rumor he's supposed to circulate," [Rod] reminded Tuan.
Yorick shrugged. "That you and your army have really come just to oust Mughorck, isn't it? Not to wipe out the local citizenry?"
"Thou hast it aright."
"But you do understand," Yorick pointed out, "that they'll have to fight until they kow Mughorck's been taken, don't you? I mean, if they switched to your side and he won, it could be very embarrassing for them -- not to mention their wives and children."
"Assuredly," Tuan agreed. "Nay, I hope only that, when they know Mughorck is ta'en, they'll not hesitate to lay down their arms."
"I have a notion that most of them will be too busy cheering to think about objecting."
" 'Tis well. Now..." Tuan leaned forward, eyes glittering. "How can we be sure of taking Mughorck?"
"An we wish a quick ending to this battle," Brom explained, "we cannot fight through the whole mass of beastmen to reach him.

" 'The High Cave'?" Tuan frowned. "What is that?"
"Just the highest cave in the cliff-wall. When we first arrived we all camped out in caves, and Eagle took the highest one so he could see the whole picture of what was going on. When the rank and file moved out into huts, he stayed there -- so Mughorck will have to have moved in there, to use the symbol of possession to reinforce his power."
"Well reasoned," Brom rumbled, "but how if thou'rt mistaken?"
Yorick shrugged. "Then we keep looking till we find him. We shouldn't have too much trouble; I very much doubt that he'd be at the front line."

*Amazon's description: Gramarye is a forgotten colony of Earth, an abandoned planet of telepathic outlaws, where elves and witches are real, and the fantasies of the Middle Ages endure.

**Yeah. Don't ask.

NAVY stands for Never Again Volunteer Yourself

"Calling a show" is, in many ways, the easiest part of stage managing a show. (It's definitely much easier than taking blocking notes or being the the responsible adult no matter what that is also part of the job.) It largely consists of sitting in the tech booth (if there is one) and saying things like "Light Cue 2 - Ready"; "Light Cue 2 - Warning"; "Light Cue 2 - Go." "Ready" means that the cue is coming soon; "Warning" that it's about to happen, so have your finger hovering near the button; and "Go" means push the button. (Interestingly enough, the Rev War manual of arms has a similar process: "Poise --- firelock!" "Cock --- firelock!" "Take Aim!" "Fire!" I also remember hearing "Make ready" yelled a lot. Where art and real life collide indeed.)

In a really complicated tech show show - most musicals - some of those cues overlap so that the call sounds more like "Lights Cues 17 through 24 - Ready"; "17 through 24 - Warning"; "17 - go, 18 - go, 19 - go...."

I probably got some of that explanation wrong, by the way, but that's because I'm an oblivious, self-involved actor, not a stage manager.

The first show that I called was about 4 years ago at the Stage. Tammi, our Stage Manager (SM) for "Art" came in one night looking like death on a dessert plate, so in my role as Production Minion I sat her down so sh could rest and she talked me through the pre-show set up. We walked through her cued script so that there wouldn't be any horrible surprises and then I sent her home and I ran lights and called the show. It turned out fine. If memory serves the guys in the cast - Dave, Jeff, and Ted - were really lovely about the last minute staff change, thanked me a lot, and bought me a drink afterwards.

The second time was at the Eastern States festival a couple of years ago. Ted (previously mentioned "Art" castmember) was so hard up for someone to call his show that he was willing to talk me into it. I agreed and at least got to attend a couple of rehearsals before we (literally) took the show on the road. ESTA was in Pennsylvania that year. It turned out fine.

Here's the story of the third time. (Don't worry - it also turns out fine.)

My home team, Silver Spring Stage, submitted Mark Scharf's "Lizard Brains" for the NVTA one-act festival this year, partly because - due to illness - the team had to scratch from the Maryland festival in January.

Director Kendra and her husband, stage manager Jeff were to support actors McCall & Brian at the performance this past Saturday evening. However, Jeff got sick (bronchitis, I think), so Kendra was going to call the show in his place. Kendra is 7 or 8 months pregnant and last week the baby shifted into some kind of position that was pinching her sciatic nerve, rendering her hors de combat for the festival.

So "Lizard Brains" scratched at around what would have been their Tuesday tech time. I started teasing McCall that she and Brian are cursed to not quite performing the show every six months for the rest of their lives.

However, there were enough people at the festival - including the judges - asking that the show go on that Mac and Brian decided that they would step up and perform in their assigned slot. This decision got made around 10:30 on Friday night when I happened to be on the phone with one of the festival staff.

"Uhhhmmmmm." (pause) "Do they need any crew?" I asked. McCall was put on the phone and said, yes, please, please, please.

Not sure if I could be more of a help than a hindrance, I volunteered and the Doyles and I spent Saturday rounding up some substitute props (some of which were cheerfully lent by Mary Ann at the Elden Street Players, so thanks ESP!) such as, oh, a straight razor.

The festival staff (Zina, Deb, and timekeeper/Backstage Master Mary) were great and allowed us to do a timed tech during the 6:00 load in so that we would stay in compliance with the festival rules which are very specific about how much time each element can take. While McCall and Brian set up the stage, Dave (theater staffer, sound op for the festival, and previously mentioned cast member from "Art") and I wrote some easy lights up/lights down cues. He and McCall and I set music levels and the they did a semi-run through.

We were the 3rd show of the evening and the last of the 11 shows (including one original musical) of the festival. Our performance went smoothly with nice audience support. Mac and Brian performed with no sign of the last minute scramble in evidence. From start to finish they were smart, prepared, considerate, and helpful, especially to their last minute SM. I'd work with them again anytime, especially as they followed my most important festival rule: Give the audience a good show and don't be a pain in the ass. (Would that every company had remembered the second half of that advice.)

This year's adjudicators .... Well, the usual format for adjudication is to mix praise and constructive criticism and to remember that context is community, not professional, theater. This year's adjudicators did not quite follow that model. Most teams came out of the adjudication room (NVTA's adjudications are done in private, not public as others are) looking pretty glum and eventually the real competition at the festival became "who did the judges hate the most" with comparisons of comments received.

However, that being said, I am happy to announce that "Lizard Brains" took home the award for Best Original Production. The rest of the nominations and awards are listed below, but I would especially like to congratulate McCall and Brian, as they were involved in three shows, all of which receive recognition and McCall won the award for Best Lead Actress for "The Typists."

As Mac & Brian were rehearsing last night in our theater, I accepted the award on behalf of the team. I believe that the speech went something like this:

"Thank you very much. 'Lizard Brains' would like to thank the folks in this room - Zina, Deb, Mary, Dave, and Nancy - without whose help at the last minute, we could never have done this." Or something similar.


NVTA 27th Annual One-Play Play Festival
Nominations and Awards

Best Supporting Actor
Kevin Walker - The Open Meeting - Castaways (winner)
Creg Crowe - The Open Meeting - Castaways

Best Supporting Actress
Kelly Glyptis - Believing Ruth - Dominion Stage
Jennifer Lambert - Believing Ruth - Dominion Stage
Joanna Edie - The Art of Self Defense - Zoon Vader (winner)
Jennifer Speerstra - The Art of Self Defense - Zoon Vader

Best Actor
Teddy Gron - Solitaire - LTA
Greg Powell - See You on the Outside - Prince William Little Theater (winner)

Best Actress
McCall Doyle - The Typists - Fauquier (winner)
Ellen McKinstry - The Open Meeting - Castaways

Best Director
Liz Couchman - The Art of Self Defense - Zoon Vader
Sallie Willows - The Typists - Fauquier
Liz Owens - Solitaire - LTA (winner)

Best Production of an Original Play
See You on the Outside - Prince William
Lizard Brains - Silver Spring Stage (winner)
Solitaire - LTA

Best Overall Production
The Typists - Fauquier
The Open Meeting - Castaways (winner)
The Art of Self Defense - Zoon Vader

There were also three "Judge's Discretionary Awards":

Zoon Vader - The Art of Self Defense - received two awards for the Best Voice Over and and Best Ensemble
OutOftheBlackBox - Double Play - received a best Play Within a Play (or "Playlet") for the first play within Double Play entitled Then, Now, Me

Article Something or Other

I think that I have previously mentioned that my Capital B Boss* likes to talk to me in military and I like to reply in theater. We understand each other pretty well, largely because these cultures share some deeply held beliefs and traditions.** Like "hurry up and wait" which well captures Tech In. Sure the military likes to do things very early in the day and theater people like to do things very late at night, but those two times often overlap, so my comparison holds.

Anyway, I was smirking smiling about something or other a couple of days ago and Boss pointed out to me that I could be charged under Article 131 for "Silent Contempt." He wandered off to do something important and I wandered over to Google.

The next time he was near my desk I got his attention and pointed out that Article 131 covers Perjury.

"Oh. Well, try Article 133."

"Conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman."

It seems that the UCMJ may have been revised and/or expanded, so we have settled on my being prosecuted under Article 134 which is actually referred to as the General Article, but I informally call "Things That Annoy Your Boss." It reads thus:

Though not specifically mentioned in this chapter, all disorders and neglects to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces, all conduct of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces, and crimes and offenses not capital, of which persons subject to this chapter may be guilty, shall be taken cognizance of by a general, special or summary court-martial, according to the nature and degree of the offense, and shall be punished at the discretion of that court.

As you may have guessed, it is the phrase good order and discipline that really speaks to my Boss. He loves that phrase. And he did tell me a story about someone who was Court Martialed during the war in Viet Nam for "making a gesture of silent contempt" while in the line.

So I told him about a book that Brett owns called (I think) Summer Soldiers and Sunshine Patriots which includes a listing of all courts martial during the American Revolution. One gentlemen, who shares my surname and I desperately hope is a relative, was brought up on charges for "refusing to follow the order of a superior officer and threatening to shoot any soldier who follows same."

And no, he can't get me under Article 88. That only applies to contempt against public officials, not one's Boss.


* Winner Best Boss Ever '05, '06, '07, '08.

** No, no, no. Not rum, sodomy, and the lash. Or, well, maybe....

Why I go to church - in just 45 words

And why I wear pantyhose when I go:

God does not need me to pray five times a day. This is for my benefit. I am better if I pray like this. I am better if I wash before I pray, because I am clean. It is good for me, not for God.

Hamid - quoted on A*W*A*C

I found A*W*A*C - Afghanistan Without a Clue - though a Google alert for "Leta" (other returns usually include the Law Enforcement Thermographers Association and an eastern European new agency). Another Leta is a "long-time reader, comment poster, and supporter of the troops" and A*W*A*C, which is blogged by Capt. Doug Traversa (USAF) who is stationed in Kabul. Hamid is one of the translators attached to his group.

Borders?

Amazingly, I did't find this on The Onion: Swiss accidentally invade Liechteinstein. And, you know, if you're going to accientally invade a neighbor, the more easy going Liechtensteiners are definitely the folks to march over rather than the more testy Germans, Italians, French, or Austrians. Of course, if your country is roughly the size of Washington, DC, and all your neighbors have standing armies, it's probably very good national policy to be easy going.

(At this moment, a Tom Lehrer lyric about the Germans is running through my head.)

But in this era of international irritability, it's certainly refreshing - and rather reassuring - to see this accidental invasion treated with less to-do than if the Swiss had cut the Liechteinsteiners off in traffic. It's more like the Swiss accidentally veered into the Liechtensteiners lane. Then the Swiss made that "oops - I'm so sorry!" gesture and the Liechtensteiners cheerfully waved that it was okay, no harm done, and everyone drove on.

And, of course, contemplating a nation the size of DC reminds me of that really cool Nick Hornby short story, Small Fish, Smaller Pond that I heard a couple of times on This American Life about a boy whose country is only a few houses, a field, and a cafe.

Huey

This is Veteran's Day weekend and my father is a Veteran. When Sara and I were little, Dad - a Navy helicopter pilot and systems analyst - was ordered to Viet Nam. We were used to him having to go places because he had been going on several-month cruises since before we were born. At one point Sara asked Dad where he was going and was aghast when he told her and wth the clarity of vision that six-year-olds have in abundance, she told him "you can't go there. There's a war there! You could get killed!" (Or, more likely, "kilt". Smetimes Sara's enunciation was unique to her.)

The day that we drove Dad to the airport (Mom or Dad drove, of course, Sara and I were passengers.), Sara gave Dad a bracelet that she had made and told him that he should wear it every day because then if he were captured, the Viet Namese would know that he had a little girl who loved him and needed him to come home.

Sara's bracelet must have worked because Dad was never captured and came home safe and sound. The only time in my life that I cried because I was happy was when Dad came home. Mom kept saying that he would be home when I got home from school, but I refused to believe her because I didn't want the horrible disappointment if she was wrong. She wasn't wrong and when I saw Dad standing in the kitchen, I burst into tears.

Dad flew Hueys in the war and was part of a Helicopter Squadron (HS). He brought us back cameras, pearl neckslaces, and Ao Dais. The Ao Dai is the traditional Viet Namese women's clothing: loose silk trousers worn with a long tunic. (Yes, I still have them.)

When I was a callow teenager (very callow, if memory serves), I asked him "What did you do in the war, Daddy?" and his answer was something along the lines of how he flirted with B-girls and flew helicopters. He wouldn't say much else about it. Dad has never been the kind of emotional packrat that Mom and I are, so I figured that this was part of that. He doesn't live in the past, doesn't dwell on the past much at all, and has always been a bit leery of folks who do. Whenever I hear Bruce Springsteen's Glory Days, I think of Dad. So it was many years later before it occured to me that possibly he didn't tell me about Viet Nam not because it's all lumped under "the old days," but because it would have involved explaining things to me that at that age I could never really have understood. War looks a lot different from the inside.

Anyway, before they shut down for several months for renovations and such, the National Museum of American History had a exhibition called The Price of Freedom: Americans at War that included a Huey. David and I went down to see the exhibition and while we walked through the whole thing, I stood a long time in front of that Huey. As far as I know, it was the first time that I'd ever seen one.


"What did you just call it?"
"Nam. That's what you call it."
"Don't try to be cool. You can't say Nam. You weren't there. It's Vit Nam to you."

--- James McLure, "Lone Star"