Hello, Bacon!

Happy Easter
Happy Spring
Happy, happy everything!

Today is Easter Sunday and Lent has ended, so Christians everywhere are getting back their Lent give-ups. After church this morning red meat rejoined my diet.

Hi, Bacon - I've missed you. Welcome home, Italian Wedding Soup, it's been a long time. You, too, French Onion Soup. Hey, cheeseburgers. How's it going, roast beef?

All in all, it wasn't too bad. I had a lot of chicken, a fair bit of turkey, and many vegetarian choices. But I'm not sorry that Lent's over.

I got up bright and early this morning and took Mom to church. We went to the 9:00 service because I had a reservation to see Night of the Iguana at 2:00. I got to her place around 7:55 and we headed out. For those of you who don't have a mother with Multiple Sclerosis, here's what the the "heading out" process entails:

1. I bring the car around to the front door of Mom's apartment building. She lives in a retirement community, so she can wheel right out of the front door.

2. I pop the trunk, get Mom's chair pretty close to the car, unbuckle the yellow band that keeps her feet from sliding off of the back of the footrests, and unhook the footrests themselves.

3. I get the transfer board from the trunk, make sure that the wheelchair is as close to the car as it can get, and slide the transfer board underneath Mom. She has better strength in her arms than in her legs (which are now merely decorative), so she pushes up on the arm rests and I get the board as far under her as possible.

4. I go around to the driver's side, climb in, and in a move that's not such a good idea if I'm wearing a short skirt, I grab the tongues of Mom's sneakers and maneuver her feet into the car.

5. I run back around to Mom's side and she grabs the "Oh God!" handle inside the car and pulls herself in while I hold the board in place, and nudge her along as need be.

6. I remind Mom to buckle up and then I pull the board out from under her and wheel the chair around to the trunk. I detach the cushion, backrest, and wooden board which are all attached to the wheelchair by the most ferocious velcro ever (many a pair of my pantihose have been sacrificed to Mom's velcro), collapse the wheelchair, and womanhandle it into the trunk.

Pant, pant, pant.

My Mom (much as I love her) is underweight and I have described her to her face as looking as though she summers at Andersonville. When I was a teenager, she was 5'8" and weighed about 130 pounds. Mom always took very good care of herself. She's now closer to 5'6" and weighs about 105 pounds. (Mind you, for a woman of 69 with advanced MS, she still looks very pretty.)

And off we go! When we reach our destination, it's pretty much lather-rinse-reverse. A trip to chuch and back, therefore, involves four transfers. I earn my Easter breakfast.

The upside to this is that I can pretty much lift her out of the car and into her chair once her head clears the door if I have to.

For my sister's funeral, I rented a conversion van and we could just wheel her in and strap her chair down, but at $200/rental, she'd get out even less often than she does now if that was our option. I took her to church for Christmas, we went for Easter, and I'm bringing her to see a Sunday matinee of Independence. That'll be three times in a little over four months, which ain't very often. But, frankly, those transfers are scary and exhausting and Mom doesn't have the stamina she used to.

We had a lovely brunch back at her place and then I headed out to the theater and now I'm home typing. I heard Dennis Day (my favorite professional tenor) sing "Easter Parade" on the Big Broadcast of old radio shows and I had Italian Wedding Soup for dinner, so I feel properly Easterfied.

The Lord is risen, indeed! Alleluia!

Happy Easter, Joyous Purim, and (coming soon!) a wonderful Passover Sedar to all.