Performing in the Big House, Part I

Another Savoynetter, Diana, posted this story. Although born in England, Diana has lived - and directed Gilbert & Sullivan - in Australia for the past (ummmm) (uhhhhhh) bunch of years. Diana's post came in response to one by Julie, who will be performing the role of the Fairy Queen in Buxton at the G&S festival this year. Julie's story told of children doing everything but sitting quietly in their seats....

After Her Majesty the Fairy Queen (aka Julie) has detailed the annoying behavior of children, I can give you a solution - but it might be a tad difficult to copy.

There used to be a drama group in Melbourne's Pentridge Prison (both the prison and the drama group have been closed down). Somehow I became involved with the productions (when they gave me a life membership I asked "for the term of my natural life?!"). The group was in the long-term section of the prison and many of the inmates seriously naughty boys. Large, imposing and very well muscled men with lots of tattoos.

One of these told me a story about a performance they gave (if you knew how to get tickets, anyone could go) with a couple of young boys sitting in the front row of their makeshift theatre, just a knee shake away from the stage. The boys were not only making a noise but were making small pellets of paper and flicking them at the actors.

As the curtain fell at the end of Act 1, two of the prisoners made sure they were stationed behind it just where the boys were sitting. One said "hey you, in the green jumper. Can you hear me?"

"I SAID CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

Small voice, "Yes".

If you as much as blink in act 2, I am going to jump off the stage and ram your guts down your throat so far you'll never find them again. Understood?"

Small voice "yes"

Second prisoner. "And you sitting next to him. Did you hear that?"

Even smaller voice: "yes"

"Well what we said to him goes for you - only double!'

I am told the boys remained frozen for the rest of the play and scuttled out like startled jackrabbits the moment it finished!

Anyone know where to hire a couple of crims?