I went to the doctor this morning for an Undignified Medical Procedure. (If anyone would like the details of the UMP, just let me know. I'd be happy to share them with you over lunch.)
The last time I saw Dr. Doman he ordered some blood work and wanted to discuss the results with me after the UMP. As it turned out, the UMP was the fun part of the office visit because our preliminary diagnosis seems to be Celiac Disease, which, very briefly, is an intolerance to a protein in wheat gluten.
The diagnosis is not definite and I get to have further Medical Procedues to confirm it. On July 5th Dr. Doman will sedate me (and, like the Ramones, I wanna be sedated!!) and then thread a camera down my throat, through my stomach, etc, etc, into my colon. He will then hunt around and take samples looking for "celiac sprue." I'm sure it'll be all kinds of fun and completely dignified.
Because I'll need someone to take me home afterwards, I called David at work and we had the following conversation (some quotes verbatim, some paraphrased, because it's not like I was taping this):
Me: "So they think it's Celiac Disease."
He: "Really? Coo --- uh. No, not cool."
David only thinks the possibility of me having CD is cool is because when I went in the first time he asked if they tested for it and there's nothing more fun than guessing right. Especially when your guess is prompted not from actual professional experience but from something you read on the internet. (Or saw on TV, which is why I get so chuffed when I guess something right based on something I saw on Law & Order.)
Me: "I'll need someone to take me home afterwards."
He: "After that? What kind of wuss are you?"
Me: "Hey! They're going to thread a tube as thick your thumb down my thoat and into my colon!"
He: "Is that all? Yep, you're a wuss. Oh, wait - you're going to blog this aren't you?"
Me: "Well, I am now!!"
The upside to CD is the ability to post fun stuff like that. The down side would be the whole rest of it. An intolerance for the protein in wheat gluten means that if the diagonsis is confirmed I will have to go on a strict diet. No wheat products at all. "A gluten-free diet means avoiding all foods that contain wheat (including spelt, triticale, and kamut), rye, and barley—in other words, most grain, pasta, cereal, and many processed foods. " saith the National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse. And, of course, beer.
In other words the most common phrase from me - forever - will be "oh, no thanks, I can't have that." The forbidden list is a pretty much a snapshot of how I strongly prefer to eat.
And I have almost no symptoms. Shauna was delighted to discover that she had CD because she'd been feeling so horrible for the past two years. She started to feel much better with in a couple of wheat-free days. Outside of a couple of weeks spent close to the bathroom recently, I am completely asymptomatic. So changing my diet won't bring blessed release but will feel like a punishment for a crime I don't remember commiting.
Unfortunately, ignoring CD and failing to adhere to the "no toast for you, Leta!" diet would be as stupid as ignoring high blood pressure. Or smoking. Because the absence of immediate symptoms has nothing to do with how much damage is or is not happening.
It seems that CD is more common than is realized and NDDIC believes that CD occurs in 1 in 133 Americans. Among the questions doctor Dr. Doman asked me today were if I had European ancestry. English, Irish, Scots, and German, thank you (I am the typical 19th century immigrant, all in one package.) 1 in 300 Irish have CD. (Thanks, Dad.) Dr. Doman asked about diabetes. Dad's Mom was diabetic. Dr. Doman asked if I've ever had any trouble conceiving children. I'm delighted to say that I have no idea, never having tried.
So my fingers are crossed that this ain't the correct answer. Dr. Doman has told me not to change my diet before the test as that would mess up the test results. So I'll be living in bread and pasta land while I can.
Wish me luck.
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8 comments:
Well, I'm hoping it's not CD. But if it is, I can point you to some resources for gluten-free products, since gluten-free casein-free diets are very big in the autism community. There's a lot of good gluten substitutes around -- many of them even taste good!
Does this mean (gulp) scotch as well?
On the up-side...
If it turns out to be CD, you'll never have to eat Haggis again. Those things are stuffed with wheat and barley. You've got a get-out-of-jail-free card.
Beans, Baby!
And BBQ, hold the bun.
Oh, no, you poor thing! If it is CD, there go all the usual post-theater foods, starting with pizza. :( I hope for your sake it's something less "punishment for a crime you don't remember committing".
Fencergal and I have been on a gluten-free diet for the past few weeks due to a suspicion that she may have a sensitivity to wheat gluten that does not quite rise to CD. While aspects of it do indeed sucketh, it's not as bad as all that either. We can provide tips and recipes if the diagnosis is confirmed. Good luck! :D
Rigel
It could also be an allergy. A friend of mine spent years eating spelt and sending waiters into fits (think of all the flour used to thicken sauces) querying them about ingredients, all because of what turned out to be a (temporary, too!) allergy to wheat gluten. Then it cleared up and she found herself once again a permanent resident of Starchburg. See an allergist, too.
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