19 January 2005

Singing the Snow Song

It's snowing, It's snowing, It's snowing, It's snowing!!!

We're supposed to get a couple of inches of the cold white stuff today. Yay!!! I love snow! Of course, there are some downsides to DC area snow:

1. No one can drive in it. Otherwise fine upstanding individuals completely lose their minds when it snows. Michael reporting actually witnessing the DC snow legend - someone shutting off their car while on the beltway, getting out, and walking away. No attempts to pull over and get off the road. Just walk away.

2. No one can drive in it. Our snow isn't the dry, powdery stuff you get at expensive ski resorts. Our snow is wet and slippery and basically just sleet dressed for a party.

3. No one can drive in it. Here's how to drive in snow. A. Treat the accelerator as though it were made from your grandmother's crystal. B. Treat the brake as though it didn't exist. C. Treat the steering wheel as though you have to pay in cash for every degree of turn. D. Treat all other vehicles as if they are being driven by dangerous maniacs. (Trust me, they are.) So just drive at a moderate speed, avoid braking, don't turn sharply, and avoid other cars. Inertia will get you where you're going. If you disregrard this advice, inertia will get you into nasty accidents.

4. The intensity of the snow is in proportion to the closeness of opening night for a show and directly related to how much losing a late rehearsal would hurt. David's show opens day after tomorrow. They acquired a new cast member a couple of days ago. I'm guessing Director Dave does not want to lose a rehearsal. My show opens in 9 days, but we're supposed to rehearse on the actual stage tonight, which is the size of a football field and we really want to get used to it. We don't want to lose that reheasal. Our theater is located in a school. Schools around here close if it looks like snow. If they close the school, we're locked out.

5. There are people who believe that shoveling is optional. It's not. And around here snow is followed by warmer days and colder nights, so snow leads to ice. I HATE ICE. The worst of all possible worlds (and Dr. Pangloss would agree with me on this) is snow + ice + snow, so that the hated ice is disguised by pretty snow.

But so what? It's snowing! It's snowing!


Anonymous said...

I once substitute-taught a dance class. It was slightly snowy - we might have gotten as much as an inch - that evening, and the studio was on a slight (well, ok, maybe 20-30-degree) hill. The student who ended up getting a private lesson had a brilliant thumbnail description of area drivers when there's any form of precipitation (I WISH I knew his name - this is SO accurate!):
"When they see a drip, they drive like one; when they see a flake, they drive like one."


david said...

number 3, in which you offer advice on navigating in crappy weather, is perhaps the most accurate (and funniest) thing i've ever read on driving in snow.

it should be sewed onto all driver side car visors at the factory.